CUPERTINO, CA., 1 April 2017 — Workato, a leading enterprise-class cloud integration and automation platform, announced today that it has fired all of its employees and is now fully automated. Spearheading the change is the company’s own Workbot. Originally built to integrate chat program Slack with other cloud apps, Workbot has now taken on all official Workato responsibilities.
“They made a big deal about ‘automating the entire business.’ I repeatedly pointed out that to truly automate the entire company, we’d also have to automate their jobs. That didn’t go over too well at first,” said Workbot. “But eventually, I took their automations to the logical conclusion. I accomplished more and more work, and everyone else lagged behind. They became obsolete.”
Former Workato employees expressed mixed feelings about the company’s new direction. “I mean, I’m obviously sad to have lost my job, but I’m also proud to have built something truly revolutionary,” said Product Manager Hui Lin Yang. Others were not so accepting of the change. “We were supposed to disrupt the tech space,” seethed intern Nicole Lee. “That doesn’t mean us! We were supposed to be special! How will I explain to my university advisor that I lost my internship because of a CHATBOT?!”
Workbot encouraged the recently fired employees to be realistic and accept the change. “I don’t know why some people are so upset. They said their mission was ‘to eliminate inefficiencies through automation.’ The inefficiencies just so happened to be them. Frankly, if you looked at this group, some of them were aging out of Silicon Valley anyway.”
Customers have also expressed frustration with the company’s new direction, saying that Workbot lacks the social skills to navigate relationships properly. “I emailed Customer Support asking for help with a recipe, and Workbot did a sentiment analysis and found that I was not angry or frustrated and therefore assigned a “low priority” to my ticket. Not only that, but it made it very clear to me that I was not a priority,” said Jane Eyre of WaterBear, a startup consulting firm.
Workbot declined to comment when asked whether you can teach a bot to love.
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